The Eyes of a Fallen Angel
by xPockyNoMikox
Summary: Kurama's death changes Hiei forever, but a young silver youko teaches him that nothing is forever, not even death, and love does conquer all. KxH


Disclaimer: Whoo-hoo! I actually own something in this fic! Shinju is _mine! _Well, not technically...but I won't ruin the story for you.

_**Eyes of a Fallen Angel**_

I sniffed the cool evening air, sifting through the scent of rain and green for any hint of danger. The air was musky with the smells of the forest, free of the rank, musty smell of demons that weighted the air near the cities. The dark youki that usually surrounded this area was absent - the intense, almost wistful aura that overpowered the energy of the surrounding life. Stepping cautiously from my hiding place, I glanced toward the cave on the far side of the clearing, but could see no signs of its inhabitant. I'd waited days for the demon to leave, and it seemed I'd finally have my chance.

This cave was rumored to be one of Youko Kurama's many hideaways, one so well guarded that no one had ever made it inside - at least according to the legend. A few decades ago a demon had supposedly taken residence in the cave, evading Youko's many traps and tricks, though he hadn't touched the hoard hidden within. It was rumored, too, that the fire demon who had taken over it was actually Hiei, the legendary youkai who defeated the Reikai tantei. What his purpose there was, I didn't know, but I didn't think he could sell everything hidden there without someone noticing. Which meant there was still some left inside. At least, I hoped so.

Reaching out with my youki to scan the surrounding area, I dashed for the mouth of the cave. I couldn't believe the fire demon hadn't left any protections on the cave, but I had no trouble entering. If he truly was Hiei, he'd long ago lost his fighter's instincts.

_I can't believe how easy this is . . . There aren't even any of Youko's traps left! Hiei's destroyed them all!_

Grinning, I squinted through the gloom, but could see nothing. Or rather, there was nothing to see. The demon had little in the way of material possessions, and the plain gray of the walls offered few clues. Even the lampweed that sprouted into a phosphorescent flower in my hand proved useless. I closed my eyes and reached out with my other senses in search of the hidden treasure. My ears strained against the silence, and my smell failed me; the demon's scent lingered in the air, potent enough to cover most of the smells that might help me, proving it was indeed Hiei – or at least another fire demon. It was a strong scent, but not unpleasant - it was almost familiar, in an odd sort of way. His youki lingered also, as did Youko's; the latter was concentrated toward the back of the cave. The tangy smell of metals drifted from there as well, barely noticeable over the scent of ash, and I jogged toward it, keeping my senses alert. I didn't know when the fire demon was going to return.

I didn't see the trapdoor until I stumbled over it; its door had been left ajar, probably by the fire demon. _Damn, _I thought. _That means he's already been in it. _I opened it anyway, hoping there would be something left. The trapdoor led to a large cellar, another cave beneath the first. Though not as spacious as the ground-level cave, this one was large enough for a substantial cache. Several empty bags and chests were piled in one corner, though many more full ones lined the walls and floors. Grinning widely, I shook open the sack I'd brought and began rummaging through the piles. I didn't want much, just enough to live on for a few hundred years...

Against one wall stood an ornate gilded mirror, its golden frame littered with glittering gems and even a handful of hiruseki. Before I shoved it into my bag I paused to examine myself in the gloom. _Kitsune vanity, _I chuckled to myself as I raked my gaze over my body. Pulling a twig out of my clothes, I ran my fingers through my silver hair to shake out the dirt. Satisfied that I'd cleaned up as best I could, I stuffed a few more items in my bag - only a few of the piles had been picked through – and made my way back to the upper level and towards the mouth of the cave.

_There might be stuff out here that would sell. One of the Reikai tantei's heads, maybe. _I knew that was unlikely, but I looked anyway, curious to see who it really was that lived here. My gaze caught on a leather bag tossed in the corner, one of the only personal items in the cave. The fire demon lived sparsely, despite the wealth of gold hidden beneath him. If the trapdoor hadn't been open, I would have sworn he didn't know about it.

The bag was light, and when I reached inside, all I found were clothes. _Dammit!_ I was about to throw the bag back down when my fingers touched something hard. Drawing it out, I saw that it was a stack of pictures. Four people stood next to each other in the first picture: three humans and the fire demon. _Hiei and__the Reikai tantei. _I'd forgotten that Hiei had been part of the group before he murdered them. He stood on the end next to a young human, a pretty redhead with striking green eyes. Kurama. On the other end was a taller human, also with reddish hair but far less attractive, whose name I couldn't remember. And in the middle stood Yusuke. Every demon knew him, by reputation if not by sight. The great detective, the winner of the Dark Tournament, the only human strong enough to defeat Toguro, Raizen's heir. Demonkind's number one enemy.

Who was now dead, thanks to Hiei.

Hiei. I'd forgotten the fire demon. He could return anytime, and I'd already spent far too long in here. I tucked the pictures in my bag - I knew of a few demons who would pay for them, if only to use for target practice - and headed toward the mouth of the cave. It would be night soon, and the fire demon would have the advantage in the dark, should he discover me.

I ducked back out into the forest, blinking in the dying sunlight. Hiei was no where in sight, and I could sense no trace of his youki. No shadows flickered in the trees save for those cast by the setting sun, and the sweet smell of the surrounding forest held no underlying scent of fire. Safe for the moment, I darted into the cover of the trees with my prize clutched tightly at my side. I needed a place to hide for the night; tomorrow I'd make my way into town and sell what I could. But tonight, with dusk bringing the promise of rain and the pursuit of fire, I needed a safe place to hide. Luckily, Hiei's cave wasn't the only one around.

The breeze shifted, growing colder, and a slight rain began. But mixed with the scent of rain was something else, something heavier.

Ashes.

_Hiei._

Branches clawed at my arms, scraping my skin and tearing my clothing as I broke into a run, staggering blindly through the thick forest. My prize clutched to my chest, I stumbled through the brambles and bushes with a reckless speed. I could smell my pursuer behind me - the wind was blowing toward me now - but still could not sense him. He was cloaking his energy, and could have been for some time.

Breathless, I stumbled into a clearing near the edge of the mountain into which the cave led. Here, at least, he had no trees to hide in. But I also didn't know where he would come from. Though I knew that should he attack, I would be no match. Not even close. _Inari . . ._

The trees to my left rustled, and a shadow dropped to the ground. It moved slowly from its crouch and stepped into the light, materializing as the small fire demon in the picture. Hiei.

"Kurama?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head slowly, backing away from him as he stepped toward me. He vanished in midstep only to reappear beside me, grabbing my arm. I met his dark crimson gaze and wrenched my arm away, terrified. His eyes were wild, almost burning as they stared at me with what I could only call hope. He studied my gaze for a moment, the frowned. "Silver eyes?" he murmured into the wind, then shook his head and tightened his grip on my arm. The bag I'd held so tightly fell to the ground, and I ignored it as I reeled backward, freeing myself. He reached for me again, the human's name on his lips, and I twisted frantically away. Something about him terrified me - his eyes, those sad, hopeful eyes the color of some dark temptation. They were almost hypnotizing in their darkness, and I blinked away dizziness only to stumble and fall helplessly backward as his hand reached for me again. A sharp pain exploded in my head, and the last thing I heard was my name before I fell into darkness.

"Shinju . . ."

- - -

"_I'm sorry. I only wanted to save you . . . "_

"_From what?" the dark one snarled, rounding on the other. "From a sword?"_

"_That sword is evil!" the redhead cried. "Where do you think it gets its power? Surely you sensed it drawing on your soul–"_

_The fire demon glared at him. "Don't you think the Jagan is powerful enough to overcome it? Don't you think I'm powerful enough to see through it? Do you really think I'm that stupid?"_

"_I wasn't sure . . . " Turning pleading eyes to the other, the redhead reached out a hand toward him. He wasn't used to begging, but the love darkening his eyes overcame his pride. "Please, believe me. I was worried about you - you know I would never betray you willingly. The Shadow Sword was using you, that's the only reason I helped Yusuke." He closed his eyes against the clouds of emotion gathering there. "I couldn't stand it, seeing it slowly devour you."_

"_It wasn't devouring me," the fire demon said indignantly. His voice grew gentler, softer. "I'm not angry with you."_

"_You have every right to be," the redhead murmured, shaking his head. "It was just - my mother, and you, and then Yusuke saved my life . . . I didn't know what to do." The confession seemed to tax him even more than his pleading had, and he slumped where he stood. _

_The fire demon reached out to touch the other's arm, a small, almost unnoticeably fond smile softening the hard lines of his face. "Come to bed, fox."_

_An answering smile brightened the other's weary green eyes, and he gave himself to his lover's embrace, letting all his fears slide away in the face of the fire demon's dark eyes._

- - -

I blinked away the last warm breath of sleep and frowned through half opened eyes at my unfamiliar surroundings. My head still throbbed where I'd fallen, sending waves of dizziness through me. The room was dark, though light flickered over the walls in strange patterns, disorienting me even more. Opening my eyes and sitting up slowly, I came face to face with Hiei, meeting the older demon's unreadable crimson eyes. My breath caught in my throat and I fought the urge to scramble away. The smaller demon seemed half-asleep himself, however, for his gaze was blank and his arms crossed limply in front of him.

A heavy silence hung between us for several minutes; I couldn't seem to tear my gaze away from the other's, and Hiei was too lost in his thoughts to find his way back. The fire demon finally closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they were again clear and hard and sad. "You look just like him," he murmured finally.

"Who?" I asked, still too entangled in the haze of sleep to remember the danger I was in.

A slight smile smoothed out the hard line of Hiei's jaw. "Kurama."

_Kurama . . . _

Suddenly the memory of last night returned, and a tremor ran through me; the fear I'd forgotten suddenly came rushing back as I remembered the danger the demon sitting in front of me embodied. He'd called me Kurama then, too, but I hadn't paid enough attention. He'd also called me by my own name, though I'd never spoken to him. _Oh, Inari help me!_ Hiei believed I was Kurama, though he obviously knew I wasn't . . . He was mad, insane, powerful, and I was trapped here. I could sense the thrumming of a barrier around the cave, one designed to keep thieves and youkai out - and me in.

"What do you want with me?" I whispered, daring to meet those mesmerizing eyes.

"What are you still willing to give?" he asked soberly, wistfully. "Kurama."

I shook my head. "I'm not Kurama! Let me go; I'm not him. Kurama was a human." I pointed to the pictures Hiei held loosely in his hand. "He looks nothing like me!"

"Kurama was only half human," the older demon replied quietly. He rose slowly to his feet and walked over to the small bag tossed in a corner, searching through it until he pulled out another picture, one I hadn't noticed before. Sitting in front of me again, he laid the picture in front of me and pointed. It was another picture of the Reikai tantei, only the redheaded human Kurama was missing; in his place stood a youko, one older then me but almost identical save for the glowing golden eyes. "In his first life, Kurama was a youko. A thief. He was injured on one of his raids, and his soul took refuge in the body of a human child." Hiei grinned, showing his fangs. "I'm sure you've heard of him."

"Youko Kurama?" I asked, blinking in disbelief. "They were the same person?"

"Yes."

"But . . . " I glanced up at the other demon, my fears partially forgotten in the face of my curiosity. "Youko hated humans. Why would he work with them? And why would he _become_ one?"

"He had no choice," Hiei said, almost regretfully. "And being human . . . It changed him. Softened his heart." His eyes clouded with memories again, and he leaned back against the wall, bringing one knee up to his chest. "He saw life differently than before. Loved it more."

I looked up at him again, realization dawning as I saw the faraway look in his eyes. "And you loved him for that."

The clouds disappeared from Hiei's gaze, and he met my gaze steadily. "Yes."

I didn't have to ask why; I could see it in the older demon's eyes when he ran his fingers over his lover's picture. Kurama was beautiful, both as a human and a youko. Their bond must have run deep, for the infamous Youko Kurama to pledge fidelity to one person. _If he thinks I'm Kurama, then maybe I'm safe - for the moment. _"But then why did you kill him?" I asked, fear turning me cold once more. Maybe I wasn't safe after all . . .

Hiei's expression didn't waver, but the color of his eyes changed, darkening with sadness and the weight of memories better left forgotten. He was silent for a long moment. "It wasn't me," he murmured, gazing down at the picture again.

"You're lying," I said, fear shooting icy shivers down my spine. _He really is insane! Inari, what have I gotten myself into? _"The entire Makai knows you as the one who slaughtered the Reikai tantei. If you loved him so much, why did you do it?"

Hiei sighed. "It's... a long story," he said almost angrily.

I smiled bitterly at him, glancing pointedly at the walls of the cave. "I'll be here for a while, so you might as well tell it."

Crimson eyes caught and held mine, the flicker of indecision turning them into glowing embers. Then he sighed, untied the bandana around his forehead, and opened the Jagan.

- - -

_My legs carried me through the dense forest of the Makai, jumping from tree to tree faster than any being's eyes could follow. It wasn't just my normal speed that drove me; a darker power fueled my body, a power not my own. My own power was locked away, sealed behind the talisman hidden beneath my bandana._

_It was Mukuro's power that drove me forward, carrying death at my side and dread in my heart._

_I could sense them just ahead, making their way wearily toward the gateway to the Ningenkai. I was almost upon them; they were all exhausted from our latest mission and moving slowly. Struggling against the power that bound me, I tried to reach out to Kurama, to any of them, only to meet the impenetrable barrier of the talisman. With it sealing my Jagan, all my power was locked inside, useless._

_Suddenly they were below me, and I dropped out of the trees with my katana in hand._

_All three turned to toward me, and a small smile tugged at Kurama's lips. "Hiei," he murmured. "I didn't think you were coming back with us." I held his gaze for a moment, begging him to see that it wasn't me behind my eyes, that it was a lie, I was a lie, and Death was the truth blazing darkly behind it all. _

"_Hiei?" he repeated._

"The weaker one first," _a voice in my mind said._

_I walked slowly toward Kuwabara, raising my katana and fighting each step. It seemed to take a lifetime to cross the clearing to where the ningen stood, yet it was too fast for him to prepare. The power that bound me was too strong, and soon I'd crossed blades with the human, his surprise causing him to stumble backwards a few steps. His rei ken blazed between us, but I'd called up the power of the black dragon, and my own sword now blazed with it, sparking wildly where it met his._

"_Hiei?" he asked in bewilderment. _

"_What the hell are you doing?" Yusuke cried. "Hiei!"_

I can't fight it, _I thought despairingly._

_Sensitive as he was, Kuwabara caught a hint of my thought through the talisman. "Hiei," he murmured, straining against my sword. "What's wrong? Why are you__doing this?"_

_And then it was over; Kuwabara fell to the ground with a sickening thud, my blade still crackling in his chest. I turned away, sick to my stomach. He'd barely even defended himself, unable to raise his blade against a friend._

Damn you, Mukuro.

"No!" _Yusuke screamed, his energy flaring around him. "Hiei, you bastard!" He raced at me, blinded by rage and despair, and aimed his rei gun at my heart._

_He was no match for the combined powers of two S-class demons._

_The talisman drew from my own youki to send columns of energy crackling around him, forming a dome of black flame around him just as he shot his rei gun. The ball of energy exploded against the barrier, filling the fiery dome with energy until the entire thing erupted into flames._

_I withdrew my energy and the smoke began to clear, revealing a patch of scorched, barren earth that was all that was left of Yusuke, my partner and leader of the Reikai tantei. I barely had time to mourn his death before the voice murmured in my head again, and I turned._

Only one left, _it whispered._

No . . .

_Kurama watched it all with wide eyes, eyes that darted from me to the wisp of smoke still rising from the ground and back to me. I met his gaze despairingly, Mukuro's voice ringing in my ears._

You can have no other loyalties, Hiei. You are mine, and mine alone. I will not share you, not with Koenma, not with the Reikai tantei . . . not with Kurama.

Please, don't make me do this, _I thought desperately, every shred of my pride gone. I'd destroyed almost everything I valued in the last ten minutes, and now I stood facing what was left of my world, ready to tear it down as well._

_The talisman forced me forward, and I fought it with all my might, raging against its power. But Mukuro was stronger, and without access to my Jagan I was no match for her, even for one of her talismans. All I could manage was a slight whisper, too low for Kurama to hear._

"_I'm sorry."_

_- - - _

"And then I killed him."

Hiei's words tore me from the trance I'd fallen into; they threw me back into reality with such force that I hit my head against the stone wall. The pain helped to clear the last lingering effects of the Jagan from my head, and I shook off the memory of the dream - the reality of the memory I'd relived through the Jagan. Hiei's memory.

He leaned back against the wall, eyes carefully guarded, and gazed steadily at me, watching my reaction.

I blinked, a mix of fear and pity growing inside me until I almost choked on it. "Why couldn't you fight her?" I whispered. I could feel his power through the Jagan, could feel it racing through his body as he cut down his former teammates. "You're strong enough - you were strong enough to defeat the Reikai tantei!"

"I couldn't," Hiei replied. "Yusuke was an S-class, but blinded by grief, he was easy to kill. And Kurama . . . " His voice grew faint, and his eyes lost their focus. "Kurama could have killed me, had he wanted to, but he wouldn't fight me. He'd rather die than fight me. Compared to Mukuro none of them were strong enough, save for Kurama."

Hiei's eyes fell shut, and it was a long while before they opened again. Afraid to pull him from his memories, I didn't interrupt, but let myself fall into my own thoughts. They were jumbled together amidst a fog of fear and confusion, a fog that pulsed with each throb from the wound on my head. I struggled through them, trying to find some thread of sanity in the storm raging in my head. I needed to get away from this place, from this demon who was obviously insane. But I'd tested the barrier he'd set up around the cave and found impenetrable, and I wasn't strong enough to overpower him. I was trapped; who knew what Hiei had planned for me?

Fear rose up in me again, nearly choking me, and I struggled to force it back down. I'd never been caught before, no one had ever been cunning enough to trap me, I was too good a thief . . .

But I'd let my guard down, and Hiei had caught me, this demon who'd killed the Reikai's most powerful fighters. I didn't believe his story - how could I, when I knew he was stronger than that? I could feel his power surrounding me, suffocating me, trapping me in this cave of delusions. Yet some part of me wanted to believe it, for the love I saw shining in his eyes was real, more real than anything else in this twisted place.

_But what does that have to do with me? Why keep me here? Why doesn't he just kill me?_

_I look like him, but I'm not Kurama - Kurama is dead! Hiei knows that!_

_Doesn't he?_

I shook my head. He _had_ to know that. If he didn't - if he didn't, then he was even crazier than I thought.

_If he thinks I'm Kurama, he'll never let me go . . . Inari, help me!_

I opened my eyes to find Hiei watching me, his arms crossed lightly over his knees, his features blank save for a fragile, tentative smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The firelight cast an almost supernatural glow over his skin, softening his features and making his eyes glitter strangely. Some part of me couldn't shake the feeling that I knew those eyes, that I'd seen them before, many times.

I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat and met his gaze. "Why are you keeping me here?" I asked shakily. "Why not just kill me and get it over with?"

Hiei's gaze turned hard, and he looked away. It was a long time before he spoke. "Do you know what your name means?"

"Pearl," I replied, fingering a lock of silvery hair. "I was named after my coloring, since silver youko are so rare."

Another small smile dawned over his features, his eyes losing focus again. I found myself lost in his gaze as he was in his memories, a smile finding its way through the fear onto my lips in response. "Yes, they are," he said distractedly. He shook himself back to reality almost reluctantly and turned to meet my gaze. "If you write your name like this," he drew the kanji in the dirt floor, "it means 'pearl.' But if you write it like this," he split the symbol in two, separating the syllables and redrawing them to form two separate kanji, "it means 'to give one's trust' . . . or one's 'heart.'"

I stared at him for several long moments, my eyes wide, my body tense. What was the other demon asking of me? To trust him . . . with what? My life? My _heart_? I knew I looked like the other youko, but I _wasn't_ Kurama. I didn't have feelings for Hiei like the other youko did, no matter what the whisper in my mind said. I'd been drawn here only by the rumors of the wealth hidden in the cave, not the mesmerizing, almost familiar aura I'd sensed within it.

Hiei seemed content to let me muddle through my thoughts alone, for he closed his eyes and stretched out against the wall. I studied him out of the corner of my eye, raking my gaze over the demon's lean, muscular body. The firelight cast soft shadows over him, flickering over the smooth skin of his arms and gliding over the curves of the muscles beneath. He looked almost childish in the soft firelight, though his muscles belied his power. The light glinted off the necklace at his throat, catching the dark crystal there and shooting streaks of crimson through it. Entranced, I leaned closer and started when Hiei opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I stammered, scrabbling away. "I was just-"

Hiei sat up and looked at me knowingly, offering me a rare, open glance that gave me a glimpse of all the emotions he was holding back. It frightened me with its intensity, and I recoiled as he shifted closer. Reaching behind his neck, he unfastened the knot of leather and held the stone out to me. "It was Kurama's." He dropped it into my hand. "It's a hiruseki. A tear gem."

I took the stone from the other demon, cradling it in my palm, and glanced up to meet Hiei's gaze. Hiei nodded at my unspoken question. "Yes, one of mine. One of only two."

"Who has the other?" I asked quietly, returning my gaze to the dark hiruseki.

Hiei was silent for a long while, long enough that I began to think he wasn't going to answer. Then, with a sidelong glance at me, he murmured, "My sister."

I opened my mouth to ask another question, then thought better of it and sighed instead. Hiei shifted closer to me until our legs were almost touching. "Go ahead," the older demon said. "Ask."

I looked up to meet the other's eyes, surprised by the unspoken offer in Hiei's words. The koorime had agreed to bare his soul to me if I only asked. It was not an offer made lightly, especially by a demon who'd lived as long as Hiei. It spoke volumes of the trust Hiei had in me, a trust that I'd earned only by looking like someone else. "Why do you trust me so much?" I asked. _Because you know I'll never escape?_

"Because I know I can," he answered quietly, turning his gaze back to me.

"How?" I asked.

The older demon brushed his fingers across his forehead and the white cloth there. "I can see more than just appearances." He shrugged. "Besides, I've nothing left to lose." When I only frowned back at him, he leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "You were drawn here for a reason, Shinju."

I snorted. "Yes. I was after the treasure hidden in this cave." _Which is now lying in the dirt somewhere . . ._

"Which one?" Hiei asked softly.

I was about to answer when something stopped me, some memory of a dream I'd never had, a sense of familiarity and confusion and comfort all jumbled into a single lump of emotion that blocked my words. "I'm not sure," I murmured finally, looking down at the tear gem again. I ran my fingers over its warm surface, trying to catch a glimpse of the flecks of red I'd seen within the black. A flash of memory glinted over its surface, but was gone too quickly for me to catch it.

"Shinju."

I turned my head toward the sound of my name, but couldn't tear my eyes away from the glittering black gem in my hand. Warm, callused fingers caught my chin, breaking my stare and bringing me face to face with Hiei. "The Jagan has a mind of its own sometime, and can sense things most would miss. And it is never wrong."

"But-"

Hiei shook his head. Firelight cast half his face in shadow; the other half glowed, the tanned skin soft and warm in the flickering light. For a moment, I couldn't remember why I had been afraid of this demon, the one with the sad, burning eyes, with trembling fingers and bittersweet smile.

"How do you know my name?" I whispered, still entranced by the dying embers I saw in his eyes.

His fingers touched the cloth around his forehead again, and he smiled ruefully.

For a while all the world was still save for our breathing, which eventually faded into one, and then to nothing as I closed my eyes.

- - -

_The rain fell steadily outside, beating a rhythm on the windowpane. He ignored it, listening instead to his lover's heartbeat as he laid his head on the other's chest. The fire demon's fingers traced curling patterns on his back, tickling absently. He stretched to kiss his lover's shoulder._

"_You're still worried about her," the redhead murmured, tracing the lines of cloth wrapped around the other's right arm. When the fire demon didn't reply, the redhead sighed and tucked his head under his chin. "Yukina is fine. She's with Genkai at the temple; she'll be safe there."_

_The arms around his waist tightened, and the fire demon shifted beneath him. "I should be there protecting her."_

"_She'll be fine, Hiei." The redhead sighed, smiling indulgently. "Even you need to rest every now and then."_

"_Rest?" the fire demon snorted. "With you?__Right."_

_Chuckling, the redhead nipped playfully at the other's shoulder.__"Can I help it that you're so... delicious?"_

"_Stupid fox," the demon muttered, petting the other's hair distractedly as another peal of thunder shattered the night._

_A sad smile tugged at the redhead's lips, disappointment at his lover's distraction and his inability to dissipate it sending a shiver down his spine. Running his fingertips across the other's chest, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the steady beating of his lover's heart._

- - -

I wasn't sure how long I slept; sleep here was part of a never-ending dream, for I could never tell when it ended and when reality began. It felt to me like I was part of a circus, a circus of emotions and memories with Hiei as the magician who controlled it all. But then there were times when that aching sadness would creep into the older demon's eyes, and he too would become a player tramping through the torrent of tears and sepia-colored memories.

But I knew I was awake now; sensations ran rampant through my body, pain and pleasure tingling down every nerve. Hiei was on top of me, his fingers tracing soft patterns down my arms, his fangs scraping the soft flesh of my neck and shoulders where he'd tugged my shirt away. He growled softly, seductively, and shifted so I was pinned more firmly beneath him. I struggled against him, but to no avail. Hiei was asleep; his eyes were only half open, only their whites showing. Yet the Jagan was open and glowing, and it was focused intently on me, almost as if it were looking through me.

I cried out, trying to free myself from under the other demon, but couldn't move. I wasn't sure if it was the Jagan that held me trapped or my own paralyzing terror. For not only was Hiei kissing my neck, but part of me longed to turn and kiss him back, responding to some deep sense of _right _that his touch awakened.

"Hiei," I whispered hoarsely. His hands moved lower, trailing, exploring. "Hiei, wake up." I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat and jerked my head away as Hiei's sharp teeth grazed my shoulder. My body responded, arching against the other even as I whimpered in fear. "Hiei, please."

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, but I shook them away. I refused to cry like a kit. Crying wouldn't help me . . . "Hiei!"

The other demon's eyes snapped open.

"Shinju," he murmured, eyes wide as he met my frightened gaze. A single tear escaped, trickling down my cheek. Hiei brushed it away gently, then eased himself off me. "I'm sorry. I was dreaming. I-" He hesitated, and a blush spread over his cheeks. "The Jagan has a mind of its own sometimes . . . " Its ward had been tossed to the floor; Hiei reached for it and brushed it off, then replaced it around his forehead. Slowly the glow of the Jagan faded, and Hiei got to his feet.

Still unable to move, I merely stared up at him, trembling, tears blurring my vision. When I finally found the strength to move, I rolled onto my side, facing the wall, and pulled my legs up to my chest. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hiei move, but I ignored him, too consumed by fear and despair. _I never asked to look like him, _I cried silently. _I wish I'd never come here!_

The sound of metal scraping echoed through the cave, and I flinched. _He's going to kill me,_ I thought. _I've caused too much trouble. I'm not Kurama . . . _

Hiei walked up behind me, and his katana landed on the ground beside me. "The barrier is down," he said quietly. "You are free to go." His voice was tight, weary.

I turned to look up at him cautiously. Hiei's face was blank, carefully wiped smooth of any emotion. His eyes, however, blazed as they stared at the wall above me. I read the pain there, the loneliness, the fear. Part of me regretted being the source of that pain, but my mind was only worried about getting as far away from those eyes as possible. I rose to my feet slowly, fearfully, and when Hiei made no move to stop me, I dashed toward the mouth of the cave, still seeing those haunted eyes gazing mournfully at me as I ran.

- - -

_He could feel the fire demon's presence, a dark shadow lurking at the edge of his consciousness. The demon had never fully withdrawn from his thoughts since he entered the ring; it was a sign of trust that he monitored the redhead's thoughts so closely, for while his Jagan was concentrated on him, he too could sense some of the fire demon's emotions. He could feel his deepening concern, and his fear. For this was an enemy he didn't trust, a crow with ambitions other than those reached within the ring._

Hiei, _he thought. _I'm so tired . . .

Be careful, _the other replied. _Concentrate on his youki.

I can't sense it,_ he said, closing his eyes. _I can't . . .

_Cold metal bit into his skin, and he looked down to see the crow's steel trap closed around his leg. His breath quickened, his mind hazy with fear. He was out of power, out of tricks. He couldn't run. He wouldn't be able to cheat death this time, and he'd never see his lover again . . . _

"_I'm sorry, love," he whispered, and the world exploded._

_- - -_

I ran for what seemed like hours, stumbling through the darkness and the tangled tree branches of the Makai forest. Numb, I ran blindly; deaf, I cried silently. Hiei's sad, sorrowful voice followed me through the night, casting a cold shadow on my heart that I couldn't seem to outrun. The memory of Hiei's touch trailed behind me like a ghost, whispering seduction and longing into the cool night air. It was the memory of his eyes that hurt the worst, those smoldering, lonely red eyes that burned through my soul.

It was those eyes I ran from, and that touch.

_Why did he let me go? _I thought. _He could have . . . He could have had me, could have killed me, yet he set me free. Why?_

I dashed the tears welling in my eyes away with my fist, and it was then that I realized I still held Hiei's hiruseki clenched tight in my hand.

I faltered, then stumbled to a stop against a nearby tree. I'd held it close all night, even while I slept, even while I struggled against the fire demon. The tear gem sparkled blood red in the moonlight, reflecting all the wildness and beauty of the forest in its glassy surface. A wildness and beauty I could see reflected in another surface, though the reflection was distorted by the bitterness of memories.

_He loves me._

_He loves Kurama, _another part of me whispered.

_Then why did he let me go?_

Whispering the fire demon's name into the night, I closed my fingers around the smooth tear gem and realized that I was no longer afraid of the other demon.

In fact, I was beginning to believe I might love Hiei in return.

_I'm going insane, _I thought, shaking my head. _Hiei's got me under some kind of spell . . . _Two days - if it had even been two days - wasn't nearly long enough to fall in love. Especially with a demon who had kidnapped you, imprisoned you, nearly attacked you. _Then what exactly do I feel for him?_ There was something about him, something my heart knew it could trust, almost as if it had known him before. It wasn't logical - hell, it wasn't even sane - but I felt almost as if the fire demon was a part of me that I'd lost long ago. A part that I didn't want to lose again.

Suddenly the forest surrounding me became a terribly lonely place, and my heart longed for the comfort and warmth of Hiei's presence.

_I don't - I can't go back there. I'm not Kurama. I don't belong there! _A single tear made its way down my cheek, and I brushed it away impatiently.

_I don't know where I belong anymore . . . _

I glanced over my shoulder, back the way I had come.

_But . . . _

Holding the tear gem tight in my hand, I closed my eyes, wrapping my tail around my legs as I shivered. The night was cold, and my loneliness even colder.

_But I know where I want to belong . . . _

- - -

"_I have to go."_

_Green eyes shifted to look forlornly up at the demon. "Why?"_

_The fire demon shifted his weight. "Because . . . "__He glanced down at the redhead sitting on the grass below him. "I want it. I want the power Mukuro can offer."_

"_Why?" the other asked again._

_He was silent for__a long while, his eyes focused on some far away memory. "Because then I can control Fate."_

"_Why do you want to do that?"_

_The fire demon sighed, a heavy, weary sigh, and jumped easily down from the tree branch to land beside the other. "So that I'll be the strongest, and no one can defeat me, or hurt me . . . " He reached down to cup the redhead's cheek in his hand. "Or the ones I love."_

"_Hiei," the redhead whispered, closing his eyes. They stood like that for a while, the silence heavy and soft around them. He finally opened his eyes and smiled sadly. "Why do I feel like I'll never see you again?"_

"_Because you worry too much, fox," the fire demon said gently. "I'll be back. I promise." He leaned down slowly to press his lips against the other's. The redhead smiled sadly as he closed his eyes again, the last image he saw of his lover blurred by unbidden tears._

- - -

Hiei looked up as I entered, crimson eyes widening slightly, reflecting the flickering firelight. "Shinju," he murmured. His voice was steady, almost hard as he held my gaze. Wary disbelief glimmered in his eyes, turning them dark; I'd betrayed his trust, adding to the list of betrayals and lies that littered his past. It was because of betrayal that Hiei had hidden himself from the world, away from more betrayals, and more loss.

I could see the shards of hope still glittering in his eyes, a hope I'd shattered when I ran from him. They cut like glass into both our souls, and the wounds bled tears of fear. Fear of another betrayal, fear of darkness, fear of the future. Fear of making a promise you knew you would regret, yet could never break. Fear of love, fear of loss.

"I didn't think you would come back," he said quietly, turning his gaze back to the dying fire.

The cold breeze slipped inside, curling around me, dancing along my skin, and I shivered. The fire flickered as the breeze danced through the flames, nearly fading out. Hiei didn't notice; or if he did, he didn't acknowledge it.

Slowly, I moved to kneel in front him. His eyes flickered to me as I dropped to the ground before him, but he still did not move. "Aren't you cold?" I asked quietly.

A hint of a smile appeared on his lips as he turned toward me. "I'm a fire demon," he murmured in reply. His gaze warmed somewhat as he watched me, almost as if he were finally beginning to believe I was truly real. Seeing me shiver, he reached for his cloak and draped it across my shoulders.

We sat like that for some time, neither of us speaking and knowing that the silence spoke for itself. Still, there were things I could only say in words, words that both of us needed to hear if we were to ever become anything more than what we were. But the words would not come, whether from fear or weakness, I couldn't say. I was afraid - terrified - of what consequence my words might have, what bridges they might build - or destroy.

Thunder crashed outside, and the echo of lightening flickered over the walls of the cave. I clenched my hands, digging my nails into my skin. It was then that I realized that I still held Hiei's hiruseki. The stone was cold, despite being in my hand all night. I stared at it for a long moment before holding it out to Hiei. "This is yours."

Hiei shook his head. "No," he said. "It's yours. It always has been."

My hand lingered in the air, hovering uncertainly above his. I didn't understand his words - or rather, the implications of his words. The stone was Kurama's, and I _was not_ Kurama. "Hiei-"

"You still don't understand, do you?" he asked quietly. He stared at me for a long moment before frowning bitterly, angrily. "I won't make you remember, if you truly want to forget me."

"Remember what?" I asked, clenching my hand around the hiruseki again. "Hiei, I'm not Kurama! You have to understand that! You're in love with a ghost, a memory, and I'm alive!" I shook my head angrily as I blinked hot tears from my eyes, on the verge of hysteria. "I'm Shinju, not Kurama . . . "

Hiei's hands grasped my shoulders, and he pulled me slowly toward him, keeping his grip light enough that I could pull away. But I didn't, and I let out a trembling sob as he pressed his lips to mine. "Hiei–"

His mouth moved against mine. "I'm sorry."

_- - - _

"_I'm sorry."_

_A searing pain flared in his chest, and he looked down to see his lover's sword embedded there, the fire demon's hands still gripping the hilt, knuckles white and trembling. The shorter demon wrenched the sword out with one quick pull, and the redhead crumpled to the ground._

"_Hiei . . . ?"_

_Shaking his head as if to free himself from a spell, the fire demon dropped to his knees and ran his fingers over the wound. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Kurama . . . " Tears shone his crimson eyes, bright against their darkness. "Kurama . . . "_

_He could feel his life slipping, bleeding out of him along with his blood. Weak, he reached out a wavering hand for his lover, longing for one last kiss. "Hiei, I–" He coughed, wincing at the pain. "I love you."_

"_I love you," the fire demon murmured, brushing his lips against the redhead's. "I'm sorry."_

_- - - _

I blinked, suspended between the two images, lost between the past and present, seeing a younger Hiei while the older demon held me in his arms. There were two of me, also: Shinju, the young, pearl-white youko with silver eyes, and the older, silver youko with glowing golden eyes.

I _was _Kurama.

Lightening flashed again, and the past came flooding back, rushing over me until I nearly drowned in it. Memories swirled by - images, sounds, smells, tastes, touches, kisses. The smell of ash and pine, the warm softness of a body pressed against mine, the burning taste of my lover as he kissed me. The memory of freedom, of trees, of moonlight. The memory of death, of rebirth, of growing up, of a human mother and a human heart. The memory of blood, of battle, of darkness. The memory of death again, this time disguised as the fire demon I loved. The memory of fear, and of love. The memory of Hiei. The memory of Youko, the demon. The memory of Shuuichi, the human.

The memory of Kurama.

The memory of _me._

I flailed, lost among the waves of forgotten images, drowning in the sea of the past; then Hiei's arms tightened around me, and I fought my way to the surface.

"Hiei," I gasped. "Hiei–"

"Shh," he murmured, running his fingers through my hair. "It's okay." Hiei began to pull away, but I refused to let go, digging my claws into his shoulders. He shook his head, a real smile breaking through the darkness that had colored his features. "Kurama . . . "

"Hiei." I buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, remembering everything about him as I ran my hands down his chest. His skin was hot beneath my fingers; I'd forgotten his warmth, his fire. The sting of tears sent a shiver down my spine, and I pressed myself closer to him until I was halfway in his lap, my tail wrapped around both of us. "Hiei, I can't believe - oh, Inari, I missed you," I murmured breathlessly. "How did you know it was me?"

"No matter what body you're in, you're still Kurama," he replied. "How could I _not_ know you?" He pushed me back again, just enough that he could see my face. "Kurama, I swear, I tried to fight her–"

"I know," I replied. "Even then, I knew. I knew you'd never hurt me willingly." I smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. "Hiei."

Hiei's eyes turned dark with bitterness, and he shook his head. "I couldn't kill her. I tried to, but she was too powerful. Even her talisman-"

"I don't care," I replied, running my fingers down his cheek. "She doesn't matter." I glanced up to his Jagan, spotting the reddened scar that his bandana couldn't quite hide. I pushed the cloth back gently and gasped as I ran my fingers over the burned skin there. Mukuro must have left the ward on for years, for it to leave that kind of scar . . . "Oh, Hiei," I whispered.

"It's fine," he said curtly, replacing the white cloth over the Jagan. "The Jagan still functions, which is all that matters. It let me find you." His eyes turned dark again, but this time they were the color of fire, not anger. I leaned into another kiss, this one infinitely more passionate, and let the tears fall.

Even with death and a hundred years between us, we still managed to find each other among three worlds. I thanked whatever god it was that allowed me to be reincarnated, and thanked Fate for bringing us together again.

"Kurama," he whispered, smiling.

"Hmm?"

"Your eyes are gold again, fox."

-x-

A/N: This has been revised several times since I've posted it, but I'm always willing to take suggestions. So please review and let me know what you think!


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